All of the things I want most are out of reach. I am struggling to stay positive and count my blessings instead of letting myself dwell on what I can't have. I find myself staring into space thinking.....I must have a haunted look in my eyes. I can feel it. When I realize that I'm spacing out, I do my best to shake the feeling and the ghost, and turn my thoughts to the positive side of my present situation and surroundings. So, more for my own sake than yours, I am going to put my blessings down in black and white. Getting my thoughts out in a tangible way will help me to remember them when I am plagued by my desires. And being in Stage Two of culture shock (irritability and annoyance with everything different) makes me more susceptible to negative thoughts. Enough of that.
1. A job -- It may only pay $300 a month, but it is more than enough for what I need while here.
2. Skype -- I could kiss whoever invented the program. I am able to see my family - or just hear them when I need to.
3. A computer -- A week before I came to Georgia, I bought a laptop. It is the first computer I have ever owned. I've always had computers at my disposal, so I never had to spend the money for one. Now I cannot imagine how I would be keeping my sanity if I hadn't gotten it. Connecting to my own culture is a necessary part of my daily routine.
4. A gift for language -- Although many people where I live speak Megruli, I am learning more Georgian every day. Picking up language easily helps me to connect with those I live with and around.
5. Students -- My beautiful, inquisitive, impressionable, hard-working students are a constant source of motivation and inspiration for me.
6. Health - It's something that I don't usually think about unless I feel badly, and being sick away from home is the worst.
7. Confidence -- Although I have moments when I don't feel confident, I know that I have ability to do anything I want to.
8. Fearlessness -- My mom may not think of this one as a blessing, but I like not being afraid of anything (except spiders). Living about half a mile from the border of the Russian-occupied territory and being surrounded by Georgian police in fatigues carrying semi-automatic weapons doesn't scare me.
9. A romantic view of life -- In reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I have gained a name for the way I see the world. I've called myself a "hopeless romantic" before, but never really understood what that meant. Now I know that it is the way I see things - namely, as they appear. I love beauty and things that take my breath away. I don't usually care about how things work (the classical view of life), I care about the look of them. That's a romantic view of life. I like seeing the world from that perspective.
10. Support -- What would I do without the support of my family and friends? I would be more of a mess then I am, that's for sure! The daily emails, facebook communication, skyping, phone calls, and prayer that I receive from those who love me keep me supported in the good moments and most importantly, the bad!
11. Faith -- For me, to have faith is to recognize that I am not alone in this Life. I have the greatest support and love from God. My faith gives me the strength to go on when I don't want to. My faith allows me to keep going when I feel like all is lost. My faith sustains me when I despair. My faith helps me to remember Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Those are my blessings today.